"The Cost of Christmas"

Sunday December 14, 2003

First Unitarian Church of Alton

Christmas is definitely coming. And this year it seems, for the first time in many years, it seems to be coming to me.

Friday night I attended a beautiful Madrigal Feast at Emerson Chapel, our sister church in Ellisville, MO. The Madrigal is an Elizabethan tradition - a way of ushering in the holidays. It was uplifting, merry and brought warm and wonderful feelings to my heart.

Then the snow began yesterday morning as I started my day of sermon writing by reading the paper and listening to the radio. I love snow – to me it is what the holiday season is all about and it brings fond memories of childhood fun.

This year I decided I would decorate my condo – I haven’t done that for a long time because no one ever saw it but me and I found it depressing and energy wasting to do so I relied on the common condo décor which is sumptuous and lovely to do the job for my eyes and spirit. But I would walk into my own space and it would seem drab and plain and sad.

I didn’t want to buy into the season and the expectations that I should fall into line with the rest of the world and its eternal it seems (at least since Halloween) insistence on doing Christmas up lavishly.

As a new UU over twenty years ago I eschewed all the holiday trappings thinking I was getting into something quite apart from the mainstream religious hype. But, as I have told you before, all of that changed with my finally understanding the meaning of the Christmas Pageant so many years ago.

Now I still resist anything having to do with Christmas until at least today Dec 14th – 10 days before Christmas Eve- that is time enough I think.

So it came to me a few days early this year but I found I was ready and began to muse upon all those years I wouldn’t or couldn’t let it come. What had I missed? What had it cost me?

I think so many of us non-Christians have trouble reconciling why we do Christmas or what it could mean for us. We don’t want to be misunderstood as being a Christmas freak or worse yet a mainstream Christian who buys into the whole thing.

Friday night at the Madrigal dinner there was revelry, raunch, absolutely exquisite perfect singing by the Greenleaf singers, sumptuous food, gorgeous decorations. A sense of peace and love imbued everything and every moment. I caught a dear friend tearing up as the gathered guests joined with the entertainers to sing Silent Night. I witnessed a gruff older man perform a part in a Masque or play which is a spoof loosely based on Shakespeare, and another curmudgeonly type who has loudly and often declared himself to be an agnostic Buddhist relishing the attention of the serving wenches, asking the wine steward to refill his glass.

I was amazed by the beautiful outfits and headdresses many of the people wore who I normally see just dressed casually for church services. They were in high spirits and everything was elegant and special – two adjectives I can accept as what Christmas should be.

All of this took place in a Unitarian Chapel where everyone considers them self non-Christian as far as I know. But all entered into the spirit of the celebration with intellectual grace and deep feeling, understanding the meaning behind it all. We were all caught up in the beauty, the magic and the music, the food and the company.

I think there was a sense unspoken that THIS was Christmas, we probably didn’t need much more. Yet it was based on very ancient and traditional practices, familiar themes and words. It wasn’t offensive or uncomfortable. There was camaraderie and friendly greetings, a sense of community and well being. In other words, it didn’t cost much to experience all the truest examples of what Christmas is.

No gifts were exchanged – we simply enjoyed each other’s company and the presentation by the gathered assembly.

So I was thinking a lot about this sermon today "The Cost of Christmas" and how much we pay for our refusal to be a part of it sometimes. As UUs we have a long and rich tradition of Christmas celebrations. We do believe in Christmas ---not in the virgin birth myth or the baby Jesus birthday party kind of Christmas, but a deeper, more realistic interpretation of what those myths try to tell us.

The message of Christmas is inherently Unitarian – it is about the joy of life, a new birth, another chance to celebrate our existence. We UUs have an invested history in aspects of the Christmas traditions, carols, the tree, various well known readings and poems are all attributed to Unitarians of the past. We need to heed and hear the message of Christmas and not be so intent on ignoring it.

And just what that message is is what I think we often miss and forget and that costs a great deal.

We are bereft of spirit if we cannot enter into singing lustily the beautiful Carols that abound at this time – regardless of the words, besides the fact they refer to things we don’t believe, they point to something worthy and traditional that is not illegal for us to embrace.

I used to be that way – I was cold toward the carols, mad at the manger, belittled the babe, and carried away by the commercialism and expectations that I do more, bake a lot, buy, wrap, entertain and give more than I was able to many times.

I ended up physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually depleted and therefore could not possibly get through it all in order to find any meaning or hope in its message. So I gave it all up thinking it was Christmas’s fault for making me feel this way and forcing me to be merry and bright when all I wanted to do was sleep and collapse on the couch.

Now I relax into it, realizing finally that it can’t all possibly be done anyway, I shop minimally all year refusing to buy anything for anyone after Thanksgiving – if I don’t have it by then, they don’t get it or I DO something rather than give something. I have minimized my decorations so they will at least be presentable to the tour following the condo party tonight, and I only listen to my Christmas CDs for about a week starting on Dec 20^th so I don’t get sick of them.

This has all helped. I try to remember the roots of Christmas and what it must have cost those ancient believers to live through a night that seemed endless and to face the fear that the sun had gone out forever.

Pagans understand the overdoing however, for they were infatuated with the solstice and went overboard in every way to make it an all out high holy day – but it was based on celebration and revelry rather than giving and receiving. It was not based on consumerism or wealth or having more but rather on thanks for what there was and wild and uninhibited human interaction. The pagan and ancient religions understood the miracle of the sun returning- the rebirth of the world - and wanted to be with one another to witness it. This is the root of all of our traditional celebrations, usurped by the later religions in order to fit into the prevailing customs.

This time of year has for centuries been a special ritualistic time when the ordinary rules of behavior were upended. It was a time when people let strange things happen to their sense of what was acceptable behavior, their sense of limits. Christmas was (and still is) a time to let go of ordinary psychological restraints, to shift into an inner state in which it becomes possible to do what was otherwise unthinkable.

What made that sort of indulgence objectively possible in an agricultural society was the cycle of the seasons, in which December was a time of leisure and a season of plenty- plenty of food and drink . It was a time when consumption – overconsumption – was expected. It was a time to gorge on the best food and drink …it was a time to splurge, until the hard freeze of winter, and with it the constraints of ordinary existence set in once again.

I think we all grasp that there is inherent meaning and importance to the Christmas message – I just happen to try to believe it and practice it all year long so never saw any reason to segregate it into a few weeks of December. But there is still something elusively special about this time of year that we miss if we are too determined to reject the traditional practices.

We miss the beauty of the lights on a tree, we miss the smells and the goodies that tempt us to go off our diets and enjoy ourselves freely, We may miss the opportunity to let go – to simply have a good time without the need for indulging or overspending we miss the satisfaction of giving someone we love our best gift of time, we miss the joy in candlelight and scents of cookies baking, the fun of playing in the snow and most of all we miss the meaning of life, for this is what Christmas is meant to convey – that we are given life and that every birth is sacred..

The cost of that life we own is priceless and not exchangeable – it is the true gift that may, if pondered, lead us to the true meaning of Christmas.

How much does it cost to value life? How much do we need to expend in order to make of it what it deserves? We should bring all of our resources, every gift we have ever been given, every ounce of energy and love in order to pause at the turning of the year to say "yes, this life is worth it, this is Christmas and I rejoice in it."

I agree with Father Bob that the best consecration is at then end of the church service when we say Go Now In Peace – the church gathers to be sent out. Life -when we’re sent forth to be with one another is what matters most.

So instead of a present give your presence – the best gift of all- and try to assess what Christmas costs you – not by looking in your checkbook but by looking at your pocket calendar – where has your time and energy gone and to what purpose? Have you given what you most would want to receive?

Put family and friends first not by showering them with gifts and things but by being with them and giving them your time and attention. One of the most memorable Christmases I can remember is when my grandmother spent an entire afternoon playing Old Maid with me over and over. It doesn’t take much.

Try not to become bankrupt this year – make deposits into your spiritual bank account by being with those you love, caring for those in need and helping those who are truly alone and destitute in any way. They are everywhere and ignoring them is what costs us the most in terms of loss of humanitarian response and self esteem.

We pay a lot for not speaking out and for not living up to our highest ideals when we are given the chance. How much does it cost for you to be honest and honorable about your true feelings about the holidays? Examine them - I don’t think even the most hardened scrooge can say Bah Humbug to the beauty of a snowfall or a simple smile.

It may cost us more than we wish to spend to turn our backs on Christmas. I think it is a small price to pay to turn around and face it with an open mind and open hearts. Just be willing to let it in – that doesn’t cost anything and my even bring you riches beyond compare.

How do we Unitarians celebrate Christmas? With integrity, with feeling, with sympathy, with compassion, with joy, with delight, with music, with laughter, with stories….We recognize that even stripped of its folklore and fantasy, Christmas has a powerful message.

Merry Christmas Happy Holidays – may you all be blessed with the joys and gifts of the season.